( Easier said than done. )
I gotta stop listening to the oldies station...

Tags: emo girls need love too

TO: jdonne@meridian.edu
FROM: elandon@meridian.edu
SUBJECT: Help?

I need some advice. Some I won't ask for in email. Can you meet me? Don't tell ANYONE. Even Bram.

Jack, I am trusting you on this not telling anyone anything part. Please. I mean EVER.

text me.



TO: scoleridge@meridian.edu
FROM: elandon@meridian.edu
SUBJECT: Heya...

Our schedules have not meshed up lately and I have been hiding out, not just because of finals. But we have to talk. I don't know where else to turn.

It's about John. I think he's in trouble. Like BAD trouble. BIG trouble.

Tags: (e)mail call, bff code, come undonne

I think I'm numb.

Woody is dead. I kinda had a feeling all along, but I didn't want to believe it. But he's gone. Jo is gone, too. I can't help but think that maybe John has something to do with it and I think me trying to protect him from Dash might have set up some red flags or something and I don't know what to do anymore. I just know that whenever I think of Bram, I feel scared. Not for me, but for him. Am I cursed? Is everyone around me doomed to have something horrible happen to them?

Maybe Byron had the right idea. Maybe he just saw this dark curse over us first and decided to try to make things better by eliminating himself from the equation in hopes that it would change the course of things.

What am I even saying? I can't even think that that's a viable option or course of thought. I can't let myself think that way.

John, please answer me. Please. Tell me that you had nothing to do with this. That it was just a coincidence or something. This isn't you.

But why does part of me remember his nails down my back and his teeth buried in my neck and think maybe, just maybe, I'm wrong. Maybe, just maybe, it is him. A part of him I don't want to see so I turn a blind eye to it...

I feel sick.

Tags: emo girls need love too, gravedigger's union, pride of the picidae

Jo emailed me that she was going to confront him and now she's dead.

Was it him? Was it an accident? Did he have anything to do with Woody? I don't even seriously think that even if he DID have anything to do with Woody that it was because of me, but I can't help but worry.

I'm scared. For Bram, for myself, for all of us. I don't know what's going on and I know I can't sit here in my room with my blankets over my head and hide, but I don't know what else to do.

Please John, please don't have anything to do with this.

I don't know if I'll be able to believe him if he says he didn't and I don't know what I should do with the information I have that she told me before. They'll think I'm crazy.

Maybe I am crazy because part of me wonders if I should believe it.

But it's JOHN. He wouldn't have done any of this. And he would never hurt me... right?

Tags: emo girls need love too, gravedigger's union

( EMAIL TO JOHN )

( EMAIL TO JACK )

( EMAIL TO BRAM )

( EMAIL TO DASH )

( EMAIL TO BYRON )

Tags: (e)mail call, braminator, come undonne, gravedigger's union, isn't it byronic doncha think

Spring got broke. There was no tuba.

At least, that I KNOW of.

Bram is ... just... I don't even know the words to use.

I guess it's maybe fitting that John wasn't in his room when I went by to see if he was around to find out what he was up to over break and Woody's not answering my texts AGAIN.

Tags: breaking spring

The amount of crazy on campus is making me question my own sanity lately. Everyone's so high stress from midterms and from everything else, it's nice to just get away for a bit.

And Bram is coming. I am extremely happy about that, but a secret dark little tiny buried part of me almost wishes I was staying here with John.

It's stupid. He's getting married. I'm getting on with my life. There is no future for us. But I can't help but a little part of me wants to wring out every last bit I can get with him. Because the moment he puts a ring on someone else's finger, I will know that I wasn't enough to make him walk away from it all to be with me. And I can't be with someone if I'm not enough for them.

Bram's going to look so cute in a cowboy hat. He's going to kill me when I put it on his head, though. I shouldn't have bought it but it was just so cute, I couldn't resist.

Tags: braminator, breaking spring

What the hell am I doing?

Tags: emo girls need love too

I know I shouldn't have done it. Really, I know. It was wrong. It's just making this entire screwed up situation even more screwed up.

But I can't help it.

I still love him.

What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I keep putting myself through this? It's not fair to them. Or to me. Or to him. Or to Bram, who I keep trying to keep at arm's length just because I don't want to fall entirely for him because I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop and for me to screw something up and he'll end up hating me or something so I might me like maybe messing it up entirely by accident because I keep THINKING I will mess it up and then it's self-fulfilling prophecy and what is WRONG with me?

But then again, none of it is fair to him. This whole thing.

Why do I feel so heartsick?

Tags: emo girls need love too, gravedigger's union

Lettie is not dead. Lettie is not sick. Lettie is, however, slammed with physics hell coursework so has been MIA for that reason alone.

PS: Anyone seen Woody because he didn't answer my texts.

Tags: classy works, pride of the picidae